Julien
demon lab-made kitten
About
name: julien zhao
dob / age: november 11th, 1824 (197 y/o)
race: lab-made kitten
prior race: demon
position: slave
sexuality: pansexual
hometown: another realm
residence: kunlun & france
occupation: unemployed
abilities:
- dream manipulation: as long as he is able to physically see a person, julien can view and interact with their dreams. viewing dreams is similar to watching a movie except he is able to understand every emotion/perception the dreamer has as if he is seeing it through their mind. interacting with their dreams comes in many forms. he can either appear in any form of his choosing, appear as himself, or take on a person that the dreamer has dreamt of. while he is usually asleep during these times, he’s also able to be awake while in someone’s dreams. he can also peer into day dreams, however, it must be a vivid image of something rather than a person’s thoughts. (example: thinking of a memory or scenario that could happen) he doesn’t automatically see people’s day dreams, it’s a conscious choice he has to decide to do.
- x teleportation x:
no longer capable of this ability
he can teleport any place he has been or seen before. if he doesn’t know where a person is he can’t just teleport to them. simply knowing the address isn’t enough, but if he has been somewhere close to that address he can teleport there first. a picture of a place is enough for him to be able to teleport.
- shape shifting: while he can shape shift, his forms are limited to only 3 2 different figures. he often is in his cat form hiding in shadows to stalk certain people, but rarely ever lets himself be seen. his full demon form is rarest — though some people have seen his tentacles, almost no one has seen him in his full form.
- emotional inducement: although he doesn’t get to decide the emotions he causes, being around him makes people feel very strongly one way or another. even complicated mixtures of emotions are heightened to an almost obsessive degree. loving him no matter how terrible he is, hating him no matter how kind he is, etcetc. he is completely unaware of this.
- potion making: spending the majority of his teen to adult years with warlocks, julien is highly knowledgeable in potion making. nowadays he uses this knowledge with alcoholic beverages only. if he ever makes anyone a potion for anything, it will in the form of alcohol.
- feeds on emotional pain: while specifically achieved through love and subsequent heartbreak, any other emotional ailments serve more as a light snack but will never be able to sustain him. he must cause the emotional pain himself in order to continue living. before he was made into a kitten he was considered to be a “love demon.” julien is forced in a cycle of experiencing love with the set expectation that he will break his lover’s heart. breaking trust, denying he ever felt anything, causing physical harm and emotional distress, etcetc. during these times, he doesn’t consider himself to be truly himself. an ego break of sorts, where he feels he is no longer in his own body and the person that is consciously making decisions is not himself. however, he is fully aware of every action, thought, and word that comes from him and takes full responsibility for it all. the switch is not as obvious outwardly as it sounds, and unless your muse is directly told about his understanding of his separation, it would be hard to distinct this “demon” behavior from julien. he has tested how long he can go without feeding before, and after a couple weeks he no longer has control over himself until he feeds. anytime he receives emotional harm this time frame is cut short, sometimes immediately.
personality:
(+) cunning, level headed, playful, emotional, charming, methodical, observant, persuasive, understanding, romantic;
(-) deceptive, manipulative, obsessive, guiltless, egocentric, arrogant, heartless, dishonest, controlling, scheming;intp: key points
- logicians often lose themselves in thought – which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. people with this personality type hardly ever stop thinking. at times, they may even find themselves conducting full-fledged debates in their own heads.
- from the outside, logicians may seem to live in a never-ending daydream. they have a reputation for being pensive, detached, and a bit reserved. that is, until they try to train all of their mental energy on the moment or the person at hand, which can be a bit uncomfortable for everyone.
- but it would be a mistake to think that logicians are unfriendly or uptight. when they connect with someone who can match their mental energy, these personalities absolutely light up, leaping from one thought to another.
- logicians love to analyze patterns. without necessarily knowing how they do it, people with this personality type often have a sherlock holmes–like knack for spotting discrepancies and irregularities. in other words, it’s a bad idea to lie to them.
- as their name suggests, logicians feel most at home in the realm of logic and rationality. as a result, they can find themselves baffled by the illogical, irrational ways that feelings and emotions influence people’s behavior – including their own.
- people with this personality type can overthink even the smallest of decisions. this makes them feel ineffective and stuck, so exhausted by the endless parade of thoughts in their mind that they struggle to get things done.random notes
- will laugh at just about everything including his own emotions
- carefree & easygoing. usually forcing himself to be okay with every and any outcome — suppressing emotions.
- strange mix of confidence and insecurity. thinks he’s top shit and deserves to be seen as such, but rarely sees himself that way.
- easy to get along with but most of his words can come off as an attack.
- most of the time he doesn’t have malicious intentions but when he does it’s just as casual as his good nature.
- constantly second guesses + tries to deny his own feelings. can go from being the most expressive loving person to cold, distant, and emotionless at random.
- self hatred and pride both directed at his demon identity.
- ^ religious, catholic. believes himself to be the evil he is supposed to despise, but too narcissistic to let anyone treat him the same way he feels about himself.
- obsessed with the color orange.
- doesn’t need to eat food. hates eating and the feeling of it but eats socially. will drink just about anything.
- extreme alcoholic.
- way too emotional, tries to disconnect himself from his emotions.
- will do almost anything just because he’s told/asked/suggested to. stems from only fitting into people’s molds and never staying true to himself in the past.
- attention seeker, but prefers select extreme attention rather than a slightly engaged crowd.
appearance:
human form;
- eyes: no whites, full black
- height: 183 cm (6”0)
- scars: large patchy burn scars over front&back torso + shoulders, lash welts all over back
- features: black cat ears & tail, whiskers he attempts to keep trimmed
x demon form; x
no longer capable of taking on this form.
- height: 250 cm (8”2)
- can manifest demon form’s physical traits while still in human form (ex: horns without fully transforming into demon form)
- horns, tail, wings, tentacles (wet snake tails that produce clear mucus-y substance, snake heads exist but very rarely used)
shape shifting;
- black cat
- eyes are still black with no whites
- can blend into the shadows
- cat form is invisible in shadows
Background
tw: death, abuse, gore, religionchildhood
(1824 - 1840, different realm)
- mother was a demon afflicted with the same need for emotional pain as julien.
- father was an angel defying the heavens to be with his mother.
- mother spent a great deal of time torturing and killing her lovers to feed off them, however, she couldn’t bring herself to kill his father.
- instead, the two hid in france where they used his mother’s victims as sacrifices to the heavens within a home-built place of worship, begging for acceptance of their relationship.
- rather than seeing the sacrifices as offerings, the heavens thought of it as mockery. to have an angel not only be in love with a demon but for that demon to also feed within their walls. however, once his mother was pregnant with julien, the heavens refused to take action until he was born. seeing julien as one of their own despite his demon half.
- as a final offering, his mother gave birth to the demon on the same altar she had brutally tortured countless men. however, as soon as he was born, a celestial descended from the higher planes. slaughtering both of his parents, the celestial took julien to be raised by a church.
—————————
- julien was raised within a religious orphanage from the moment he was born.
- the church was tasked with teaching him to suppress his inner demon and raise him as if they were fighting to keep the angel half of him alive.
- although they didn’t know at the time that he had inherited very few of his father’s angelic genetics, they still exercised him as if the demon could be defeated.
- everything blessed by the heavens was capable of hurting him. holy water, prayers, crosses, bibles, etc. even living within the church caused psychological damage on its own. physical abuse such as multiple attempted baptisms, whippings, and exorcisms were often performed in front of entire sermons weekly.
- seeing no signs of improvement, especially during periods of starvation, the church refused to let julien out into the world. being unable to leave the church, he was completely unaware of the effect it had on him until he was old enough that legally they couldn’t keep him as an orphan. once he realized just how painless life was without the heavens, julien despised the church for what it had been doing to him and ran to live on his own.
teenage/adulthood
(1840 - 1920, different realm)
- leaving behind his entire life within the church, julien found himself taking refuge within a community of slave warlocks.
- the community quickly took to help him get on his feet, however, he didn’t know why at the time. it was only later in life that he realized he had unconsciously used his deception abilities into making them care for him.
- for him to hold his weight within the community, he was taught potion making very early on. he took to the craft rather easily and held his position helping with potions for the majority of his stay.
- while julien didn’t fully understand the inner workings of his demonic needs to survive, he had always jumped from lover to lover only to emotionally and physically abuse them. feeding off those he dated or those that cared for him in a parental way, he was always known to damage those around him. it was only when he met the first love that he realized that he never truly loved any of the others.
- obsessive to the point of following his first love everywhere she went, manipulating every person she cared about into leaving her, and making it constantly known that his life didn’t have meaning without her.
- while during his relationship with his first love julien still fed on other people, the severe lack of substance over the years eventually made him crack.
- after a long night of drinking, julien came home to his lover completely out of control. starving and on the brink of death, he tied her sleeping body up only to slowly torture her to death. cutting off every finger and toe, leg and arm, until finally watching her bleed to death. while she had still been conscious, he purposely made himself seem as deranged as possible to suck every last ounce of emotional pain as he could. drenching in her blood, chewing on her limbs, masturbating over her body, fingering her wounds, etcetc.
- when she had finally died and julien was able to come back into control of his body, he was in extreme agony. he refused to leave her corpse and spent a week in bed with the corpse crying and sulking over her death.
- during this time, he finally came to understand that the church was right — he was the evil the heavens existed to defeat. he decided the only thing he could do to overcome being a demon was to devote himself to the church again.
- after a week of laying next to his lover’s corpse, one of the mother-like warlocks that cared for julien over the years finally found him. while rightfully shocked by seeing the state of his lover’s corpse at first, the demonic motherly love she had for him caused her to fear losing julien more than fearing what he had done. immediately she made promises to him that she would clean up the entire mess and handle everything, taking all the blame for what may come out of it. although at the time, he never saw repercussions come for either of them — to this day, julien is unsure if anything happened to the woman after he left.
- despite still living with the warlocks, julien put all his faith into the church again and devoted all his free time to becoming closer to the heavens.
- in order to be as loyal as he could to the heavens, he tried to stop feeding the best he could. however, once his life was coming close to ending he would no longer have control.
- taking on a life as a call boy of sorts, he spent many nights drinking and dating with multiple people — building up early attachment with them only to cut them off to get quick fixes to his hunger.
- after a few years of dedicating his life to the church, he finally confessed his sins to the priest that raised him. though the priest knew of what julien was and what he was capable of, his emotional attachment to the demon wouldn’t allow him to turn the boy in. not to authorities nor the heavens. instead, he finally told julien everything about his parents as a way for him to escape. before this point, as an orphan with very little money, he lived what most would consider the life of a slave. however, julien was never sanctioned under the same reign that the slaves around him were. unbeknownst to him, it was because his family name held higher status amongst the realms.
- though his family name meant he couldn’t serve as a slave, the financial status of his life meant he would have a harder time escaping his crimes. knowing that and julien’s true family origins, the priest finally revealed everything to him in hopes that he would gain enough status and power to overcome the law.
adulthood
(1920 - 2021, different realms/france)
- after learning the exact details of his parents, collecting the inheritance they left for him was too easy. while his parents had left him so much more than just money, at the time julien didn’t care. he had never known life outside of struggling every day for pennies or putting in the energy to get things out of people. and now that he had enough money to simply throw it in any direction he wanted to be his, the only thing he cared about was living that daydream.
- immediately julien became extremely careless with his money. building the most expensive mansion he possibly could, opening a brewery and multiple luxurious bars between the realms, etcetc.
- the first few years of owning his inheritance were spent buying everything and anything he wanted, drinking every day away, and hooking up with anyone that felt even the slightest bit of emotional attachment to him. while it seemed as though he reverted into his call boy habits for feeding, for a long time he was actually enjoying it. though it forced him to take on whatever personality each person desired to build them up for inevitable emotional pain, he treated it almost like a game to play with himself.
- it was only after 30 years of his shopaholic alcoholic binge that he finally reached a breaking point where he began to feel like he knew nothing about himself. so dissociated from who he was and caught up in games of being whatever anyone wanted him to be, he decided to look into his parents to try and solidify his identity outside of his relationships.—————————- only then did julien finally return to the other belongings that his parents left behind. among the various letters and diaries written by his mother, he learned multiple things.
- documented from the day his mother found out she was pregnant, she wrote every gruesome detail of her sins. many of her letters served as emotional vents diving into her psyche. while the guilt that came from all the lives she had taken was hard enough to read, as his mother opened up more and more in the letters, the constant torment she felt to instinctively hurt or kill his father became the main focus. eventually, as the letters neared his birth, his mother began consistently talking about how much she wanted to kill both herself and julien. believing that either he would be born to suffer as she had, or he would be born like his father and be constantly abused by her — the only option she saw was killing them.
- however, while the last letter seemed to be a final goodbye that wasn’t expected to be read, clearly whatever attempt she made to kill them both wasn’t successful as julien was still alive to read her letters.
- being left with no answers, he decided to branch out further to try and find out more about his family. rather quickly his search led him to a home in france. although, since it had been over 100 years since his parents lived there, the ownership of the castle wasn’t in his or his family’s name. just as he had become accustomed to by then, he simply threw money to get whatever he wanted. in this case, he paid nearly triple the value to have his parents home as his own.
- overall, the castle was really nothing special. owned by the banks at the time, mostly everything inside had stayed the same since the day his parents died. however, just as the celestial that killed his parents had taken care of julien, angels had been tasked with cleaning up the mess left behind.
- it was only after reading through his mother’s letters and trying to relive each written memory through the home that he realized there was a room repeatedly mentioned that he had never seen. fortunately he was able to piece together clues within her letters to figure out that the room was an offshoot from the small nook library.
- hidden behind one of the bookcases, angels had boarded up the wall that led to his parents in-house altar. although the bodies of his parents had been cleaned up, the grimy bloody mess left behind was proof that their lives were not the only ones taken at the altar. drainage canals that trailed down from the altar and around the pews stained with decayed blood. the stone walls and lack of light fixtures made the room pitch black. and while nearly everything spoke of its abandoned state, the holy water spout still filled with a mix of blood and water.
- while julien had found some peace in the fact that he wasn’t alone in his sin and torment, actually seeing it with his own eyes opened him up to whole new state of acceptance. the man who had killed his lover was who he was, who he was destined to be. through this understanding of his existence, it didn’t take long for him to follow in his mother’s footsteps. slowly slipping back into the life of a more serious call boy, julien took the extra step of growing closer to his “clients” before eventually sacrificing them at the altar — and subsequently feeding on them.
- it didn’t take long for authorities to catch on to the fact that multiple women had started to disappear in similar circumstances. and while julien had enough money and power to escape punishment in another realm, evading human realm authorities wasn’t something he was capable of. before their trail could get too close, he cleaned as much as he could of his crimes, returned back to the other realm, and stopped visiting france.—————————- for decades, julien refused to return to france. however, that didn’t stop his killings. with his home realm still under the hierarchy of slavery, he used the system to his advantage. choosing to feed and kill only slaves that wouldn’t be searched for or missed by authorities. during this time, he worked hard to gather a reputation for his brewery company in multiple realms. using his prestige as a front for the darker hidden aspects of his life. unbeknownst to most, even the art of his brewing craft still spoke of his secret life. most, if not all, of his brews were tailored to taste exactly like the emotional pain he tasted of his victims.
- during this time, julien also maintained his connection with the church he was raised in. despite the abuse carried out on him as a child, he had learned to accept it as something that was meant to happen. the heavens and all that act for god were doing the right thing in trying to exorcise the demonic nature from him. while on the surface it seemed as though he had put his life, career, and spirituality together — even the church was unaware of the acts he was still committing behind closed doors. that was until another half-demon half-angel orphan child was taken in by the church.
- seeing a child, that should have been outcasted by the heavens as much as he was, able to touch any holy sacred iconography without pain built up genuine hatred with him. outwardly, julien became close to the child and served as her mentor. however, one day while talking with the child, she began questioning why holy water was able to burn his skin. unaware of how it would affect their relationship, julien explained in detail how his demonic nature was rightfully doomed to punishment for eternity. immediately things changed between them and her perception of him became that of disgust and hatred.
- with envy and insecurity becoming unbearable, julien took the child to an amusement park to spend one last day together. after the day was over, he took her to his home and murdered her as he had done to countless others before.
- the next day, unsurprisingly, the priest had questioned him about why the child hadn’t returned to the church. being the same priest that raised him and helped him cover up his first murder, julien confessed to him what he had done. just as he had before, the priest still sympathized with julien. however, something was clearly different. the more that he confessed about his years spent torturing and killing countless people around multiple realms, regret was starting to build within the priest.
- at the time, julien genuinely believed he had gotten away with everything and continued on as normal. but as days went on without a word from the priest, worry began to grow in him. it was only during the next sunday mass that he was informed that the priest had taken his own life.
- while the priest left nothing for julien specifically, the single note left behind spoke about the guilt he had and how he felt he had betrayed the heavens. many people started to speculate that the priest had committed horrible sins, but only julien was aware that it was about him. however, seeing as the priest even in his death cared for julien enough to not expose his crimes, he kept the true nature of the priest’s suicide to himself. to this day, he still feeds into the speculative rumors around the priest’s “sinful life” rather than shutting down any of the false theories.
- this didn’t stop his own grief and regret from festering into extremes though. and while he tried to continue life as normal, it eventually became too much. in hope that he would either get punished for his crimes or sentenced to death, julien finally returned to france. somehow though, he still never managed to get caught. in the beginning of his self sabotage/suicidal efforts, it was extremely infuriating that nothing took him down no matter how careless he was. but, as time progressed, he started to gain a god-like ego from it all, believing that nothing could ever take him down.
- for many years, this became the norm. seeking out punishment and death through any means he could, yet never being able to truly fall from power and status. his killings eventually tapered off as he settled into modern life; taking on long term abusive relationships in order to feed rather than murdering and feeding on short form lust.—————————- although still an abusive alcoholic, his day to day life of focusing on his work and maintaining his relationships finally started to feel as close to normal as it possibly could.
- while he was living in his hometown as a master, he had never really had much interest in purchasing slaves. besides his previous lifestyle of purchasing slaves simply to feed on and kill them like cattle, the idea of owning a slave for anything more never crossed his mind.
- however, after meeting kouyo, his perspective completely flipped. although julien’s nature made him bound to fall in love more times than he could count, it didn’t take long for him to see just how different he felt for the slave. as if every love prior had been solely about survival, his love for the fox was undeniably real.
- fighting week after week to have kouyo be his slave, all the effort he used to put into other relationships quickly pooled into the fox. with no other source of food, he naturally began feeding only on kouyo. though rare instances still exist and he still struggles with falling into the cycle of taking on a mask of someone’s perfect partner only to emotionally detach, abuse, and damage them; he goes out of his way to try to only feed on the fox.
—————————- while one would think a man experiencing true love for the first time would be on top of the world, for julien feeling any emotion is not that simple. obsessing over his feeling for kouyo to the point that even his business began to crumble, demand started to build within his employees for something to be done. many of his financial advisors informed him that if they continued business the way they were the company would go bankrupt in less than a year. while trying to find new solutions, word got out to employees that they might not have a job or sustainable income within a year. as every aspect of his brewery became short staffed, julien began looking into new territory to expand to.
- with a little bit of searching, he thought he found the perfect realm. although still under hierarchal class systems, this new realm had a focus on the heavens and lacked any ground roots breweries. positive that his company would thrive there without needing much of his time, the only issue left was convincing kouyo to move with him. however, being his owner at the time, the challenge was surprisingly easier than he would have thought — considering all the people the fox would end up leaving behind.
- at first, nothing could’ve struck him down from the high of seeing kouyo drop everything and everyone he cared for to stay with him. but that quickly flipped when the fox’s attitude started to change.
- while the thought had crossed his mind that the spiritual bond connected between kouyo’s tails and the people he left was causing him distress, other thoughts started to fester. with the fox being unable to feel love by nature, julien started to question whether kouyo had been all that willing to leave his old home and connections behind; or if it had just been orders he was following from his owner and their own spiritually bound connection.
- as time went on and he started to take notice of how different the move had made the fox, he not only started to belittle himself but also felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. convincing himself that he was never going to be enough to give them happiness and that instead he had unintentionally ruined another person’s life — he started to default back into old habits of ending the mess he made and starting over. however, being the only person julien had ever loved, he knew there’d be no starting over. if he killed the fox, he wasn’t going to allow himself to continue living after.
- it didn’t take long for him to realize just how much he was starting to sound like his mother did in the letters she left him. flipping back and forth between homicidal and suicidal thoughts all based on love. but once christmas came around and he found himself slipping into those thoughts during moments he’d been dreaming of having with kouyo, he finally snapped. he didn’t want to kill him, nor did he want to leave the fox by killing himself — but with the way his mind was going, one or the other felt inevitable.
- after the holidays, julien seemingly disappeared. putting as much distance as he possibly could between him and the fox, he ended up hiding himself in the human realm. when he crept around a local new year’s eve party, a part of him subconsciously knew what he was going to do. however, once he found himself clinging to a young couple’s shadows, any post clarity or sense of self completely escaped him.
- it was only about a week or two before the thoughts he was running from had fully calmed. in fact, any thought or memory that existed outside of the young married couple escaped the front of his mind. it wasn’t that he had forgotten, but through living in a person’s shadows and dreams, every second of every day, julien had mentally started to dissociate himself into believing these human lives were all there was.
- once he had been gone for nearly two months, he started to mess with the human’s dreams. while usually watching the human’s mind from a far, the idea that they were sharing a life together made him want to dip his toes into his dreams. it was then that things started to break. never really being that strong at having control over his own dream abilities, pieces of memories he shared with kouyo began slipping into the dreams. while obviously aware of his own mistakes, things really started to eat at him when the human would bring up the dreams to his friends and wife.
- the moment his dissociation started to break, everything else flooded back in. although he felt like he had trapped himself to living as a shadow, once he swallowed his own pride it was as easy as teleporting back home.
- unsure how things would be when he returned, he couldn’t have predicted the truth anyways. very quickly learning that kouyo had tried to take his own life multiple times, a new set of guilt set in. while originally creating the distance between them to not hurt the fox more than he already had, julien had hurt him worse than ever before. and yet, despite the amount of gut wrenching regret he felt seeing the fox like that, he had never been so stuffed with sustenance in his life.
- a lot of things didn’t click immediately for him. still hazy from who he was and the life he was living, being fueled by kouyo’s anguish kept him in autopilot just long enough to snap back to himself. however, once he started to reflect, julien started to wonder if his good intentions were being manipulated by his demon subconscious to look that way to even himself. he promised to both himself and the fox that he would never leave again, no matter how bad his mind gets. truly sticking by that, he let the world around him go cold and black — only focusing on living for kouyo. while he actually preferred living in a world where he could convince himself only the fox existed, being afraid of actually seeing himself as an individual destined to the evil he despised truly set the last nail in the coffin.
present day
(2022 -, kunlun/france)- work in progress
- link to self para until finished